A letter to my dad in heaven…
Caro Papa,
It’s almost 3 months since you’ve been gone and difficult doesn’t even begin to describe what life has been like without you here.
A week ago today on Thursday, October 15th at 9:17am I gave birth to a beautiful baby boy named Marcus Nicola Vito (Vito after you Papa…just for YOU!). Your 7th grandchild and 3rd grandson…another Capitano as you always called the boys. It was such a bitter sweet day for me, I was blessed with a son but one that you would never know and one that would never know you. As I laid in my hospital bed holding my baby boy I kept waiting for the door to swing open and see you walk in with a big smile on your face to greet the newest addition to our family but that never happened.
It breaks my heart like no one can imagine that you aren’t here for this and it’s not fair. Marcus won’t get to experience what his older sisters and cousins did. He will never know what it feels like to be held by his Nonno Vito, to be in embraced by his big loving arms, to see the smile on your face when you see him, to spend holidays together and see you dressed up as Santa at Christmas, no birthdays to celebrate with you, no story time, no playing on the swing under the cherry tree and all the wonderful laughs and good times you would always bring with you.
Papa you would have loved him! He’s absolutely beautiful and reminds me soooooo much of you. I took a picture of Marcus the day we left the hospital and can’t believe just how much he looks like you. His nose, cheeks, and lips are all you and it’s not just me that sees it but many others as well and that puts a smile on my face which seldomly happens these days.
Everyone talks to me like now that the baby is here everything is ok and I shouldn’t be sad anymore but how is that possible? They tell me not to cry so that you can rest in peace but it’s hard and I’m sorry I’m can’t always do that. Yes, I’m so happy Marcus is here and I love him so much and he makes us happy but that doesn’t change the fact that you aren’t here. How can they even think the birth of a child can eliminate the void and pain I feel from losing you? They keep telling me to be strong and that you’re spirit lives on in each and every one of us but that doesn’t change anything. They try to reassure me and tell me that although you aren’t here you got to meet Marcus before we did and I so want to believe that! I also want to believe that when they tell me Marcus is smiling in his sleep it’s because you are around.
Papa can I just ask you one favour of you? Please continue to look after the kids and Marcus now too and I promise you that I will continue to keep your memory and spirit alive here. I will be sure to let Marcus know all about his Nonno Vito (I’ve actually already started to tell him stories about you) and just how amazing of a father and nonno you were. I will teach him the songs you would sing to the girls, look at pictures together, watch your favourite shows, do your favourite things, share all the great stories we have of you and I will let him know that he will always be one of your Capitano’s!
Daddy I just miss you so much and things don’t get easy with each day that passes, it get’s harder because it’s 1 extra day that you’ve been gone 🙁 .
I love you…I always have and I always will.
Love Always Your Bambola xoxo