It’s 2:55 am, and I’m wide awake, watching the minutes pass. I toss and turn, trying to get comfortable in hopes that I might be able to close my eyes and doze off into a dream state, but it doesn’t work. Instead, thoughts race through my head, thoughts that I can’t turn off…God, I wish I could; it would make things so much easier.
I can see the light from the streetlamps shining through the curtains in my bedroom, and I realize that the last Thursday was the last time I managed to get some sleep, and prior to that, it’s been a while. One night in how long? It’s effin stupid if you ask me.
So, I scroll through social media because what else is there to do when the whole city is fast asleep and I’m all alone with my thoughts. I even tried rolling over on my left side because it brings me back to a specific moment in time where I felt safe, and maybe just maybe, I can relive that moment and take comfort in that memory. But it doesn’t work; instead, it just triggers a string of memories and the overthinking begins. Beautiful memories that I wish I could experience once more and not-so-good memories that I wish I could forget.
I think of sleep and how I long for rest cuz I’m tired, but instead, I sit here and write because it’s one of the few things I can take comfort in these days; it’s my therapy.
They say sleep is overrated and that you’ll sleep when you die, but the truth is, I could really use some right now.
Goodnight and sweet dreams, everyone; the sun will be up soon enough xoxo