Guest Blog Written By: Jennifer Fellegi
(original source www.jennyfellegiphoto.com)
“You are a very lucky girl, Mrs Fellegi”, my doctor said to me during my follow-up appointment. And that’s when he told me, very casually, thinking I already knew, that I had come very close to losing my baby.
Four months ago, a few weeks after finding out I was finally pregnant with our second baby, I got very sick. I spent two full weeks in the hospital while doctors were trying to figure out what to do with me given my situation: I was sick AND in my first trimester of pregnancy. Establishing the proper diagnosis was a challenge. Finding the proper treatment was a challenge. Our priority is always the mother, the doctor said to me. I was feeling helpless. But one thing I knew for sure: my priority was ME. I realize this may come as a surprise to many, given that people’s first reaction was almost always “Are you sure the treatment is not harming the baby?”. No, I’m not, but what else can I do. Or “If the baby is doing good, it’s what matters”. Well, not really. Because as much as we had wanted to become pregnant again and as happy as we were to be pregnant after over a year of trying, a 3 year-old little girl was anxiously waiting for mommy to come home.
I was extremely lucky to respond well to the less invasive treatment, and the baby in my belly was doing well. I was finally able to come home the my husband and daughter. But it was not over yet. I had lost so much weight and was so weak that I was unable to walk up the stairs to my apartment. The simplest things we do everyday were huge tasks for me: picking up something on the floor, doing laundry, even standing for five minutes in the shower. But I knew then for sure that my illness was not threatning my life and so I could start concentrating on the baby. I still had 6 months of pregnancy ahead of me, a delivery to plan, I had to regain my strength for me, my daughter, my baby, my family. I was on a mission. I hired a personal trainer, ate everything I was supposed to, weighed myself every morning to make sure I was not losing another single pound. In a matter of weeks, I felt much stronger. The numbers on the scale were going up, I was able to pick up my daughter at daycare, cook dinner, even go out to the restaurant.
Fast-forward 3 months. Although I was feeling much better, I was still very skinny and not very happy with the way I looked, even though people around me and even strangers on the street told me how cute I looked with my petite frame and my bump. We decided to take a family vacation to Florida and to bring our daughter to Disney World. It had been a long time dream of mine to take her there! I was so excited. Like I told my husband, it is impossible to not be happy when you are at Disney World. It really is the happiest place on earth. Until I saw a picture my husband took of my daughter and me. On the picture, I am holding her in my arms to help her see a show with her favourite princesses. And my reaction to seeing the picture was “quelle horreur”. I don’t think I need to translate, even if you don’t understand French I think you get it. All I could see was my bony back and skinny arms. My husband got mad (I guess you CAN get into a fight even at Disney!) because I was spoiling it.
That’s when I had my A-HA! moment. (Yes I’m an Oprah fan.)
This skinny body was holding my daughter so she could watch a truly magical show she will remember for years. This skinny body was carrying the little sister my husband and I had created for her. This skinny body was the proof that I was able to overcome the biggest challenge of my life. This skinny body is strong and it is the body of a strong person.
I am proud of what I was able to accomplish in just a few months.
I will print this picture and all the other pictures of our amazing trip and make a beautiful album because they are the reflection of determination, strength and love.
I choose to never EVER see anything else when I look at these pictures or whenever I look at myself in the mirror.
And my wish for my daughter is to look back at these pictures and remember watching the princesses in mommy’s strong, loving arms. Nothing else.
On a last note: I would not have been able to overcome this without the support of my friends and family – you know who you are and I love you. xxx
