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Father-less Father’s Day

Last Sunday was my dad’s birthday and like that doesn’t suck enough this Sunday…TODAY is Father’s Day! June is such a hard month because of these days and let me tell you I’m not looking forward to the anniversary of his passing next month either. It’s just too much! Your mind starts to wander and you think back on the times that you spent together, like today I was thinking about my last Father’s Day with him 3 years ago. I got him a t-shirt that I custom made for him and he loved it. He actually got up from the kitchen table to go put it on. He was the cutest! So ya, memories like that and although it’s a great memory it just kills me and breaks my heart cuz I would give anything to be able to wish him a Happy Father’s Day face to face.

Lucky for me today it was the girls’ dance recital and so part of me was thrilled about that because for those of you who have lost a dad you know how hard this day can be without them around. The recital was the perfect distraction! I woke up early and made my traditional Sunday morning pancakes then I was off to get the girls ready with their first costume, hair, makeup, pack bags and head to the theatre. Between that and heading out for lunch it took up a good chunk of the day and hey I’m totally cool with that because I’m the kind of person whose mind has to go a mile a minute because if it slows down it can be dangerous for me to be left alone with my thoughts.

The plan was going pretty well until we got back home, I put the kids to bed and I started to think. Yup, total shit show! I even avoided posting about it on social media today but finally gave in and did an insta story wishing all the dads a Happy Father’s Day. I ended it there cuz I really wasn’t in the mood to ugly cry for those of you who watch my stories.

It just sucks and it’s a big piece of shit. Father’s Day is dead to me cuz my daddy is gone and so what the fuck is the point anymore. I’m just in a crappy mood and right now I need to own these feelings and be crappy and sad and miserable. Tomorrow is a new day but for now, I don’t want to read or hear things like how he may be gone but he’s always with you kind of shit. I just want him here…the end…period!

So for those of you who are having a Father-less Father’s Day like myself just know that the day is almost over and we have a full year until we need to deal with this crap again. In the meantime just hang in there xo.

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