To breastfeed or not to breastfeed, that is the question and what seems to be the topic of the hour! For those of you that may not know, I run a Mummy group on Facebook and the whole breastfeeding, formula feeding topic is one that comes up often so I thought I’d share my two cents…if you care lol.
This topic get’s me going so consider this a warning haha…here goes!
It’s sad that we as mothers are constantly judged on the choices we make for our children. It’s as though we can never please anyone and in turn the children and mothers suffer! If you formula feed you’re told “WHAT? You don’t breastfeed? But you know that breast is best!” and for people like me who strictly breastfeed (for 17 months), I’m looked at like a freak and have to hear “ummmm don’t you think that’s enough?”, “WHAT? She’s still on the boob?” or “OMG can that mother cover up or go feed in the bathroom, where she’s not out in public”. You can’t win! People need to keep their mouths shut about the decisions others have made, because ultimately they know what is best for THEIR family.
I continue to seeing mother’s being put through unneeded stress over this crap and it pisses me off! I seriously don’t see what the big deal is. Yes, I choose to breastfeed Samantha and never gave her formula but hey that’s what worked for us and what may work for us doesn’t mean it will work for everyone. I have friends and family who have formula fed from day 1 and their children are perfectly health so really who are you to judge what is right or wrong? Bottom line is that the child is fed and healthy…don’t you agree?
So now that I’ve said that, I’m really going to get into the meat and potatoes of things. The things that REALLY PISS ME OFF (sorry I’m done tip-toeing and dancing around this not to hurt or offend people but that ship has come and gone)! I am also beyond annoyed that every single time this topic comes up, the first people to get their backs up for some reason are the formula feeding mothers and they jump down the breastfeeding mother’s throats. Like really, is that necessary? You made your choice to formula feed so you should be happy with it and you should not feel the need to constantly defend yourself and make the other mothers feel bad. Wanna know something? I don’t give a shit that you formula feed, I don’t care that you couldn’t breast feed, or that you didn’t want to breastfeed. I really just don’t care…wanna know why? Cuz it’s not my life, my family, my choice or any of my business! I NEVER have pushed breastfeeding on another mother and would never do that so please don’t push your views on me. I will feed my child as a I please and I don’t need to hear; “Well maybe you don’t have enough milk, so why don’t you top off the baby with some formula?” Do I tell you to top off your baby with some breast milk? NO, so take a hike! I don’t need to hear it nor do I want to hear it! Just MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS! The body is incredible and believe it or not, it will make the milk that is needed for our little ones. For God sakes how long have people been breastfeeing for? Thought so!
As you can see I’m a speak your mind kinda person and I’m just getting started! For all you formula feeding mothers stop playing the poor victim cuz it’s really getting old and I think many can agree with me (except for probably the formula feeding mothers who would like crucify me right about now haha). If you made your choice be happy with it and end of story, you shouldn’t have to read into every little thing that people write or say and then sob to yourself in the corner…GET OVER IT! Guess what? The world doesn’t revolve around you and your formula, just like it doesn’t for breastfeeding mothers.
I’ve kept my mouth shut for way to long and I’m sick of hearing all the comments from formula feeding mothers towards breastfeeding mothers. Guess what? You’re not the only ones that get them. I have also had to hear my share of shit and it’s not fun but you don’t see me throwing myself a pity party. Why? Because this was a choice I made and with any choice I make I am confident that I am doing the right thing (in this case not only for myself but my child and my family). Does it make you feel better to say shitty things to us, to push your thoughts and views on us or try to cast doubt upon ourselves? For example; “Your baby isn’t gaining enough it must be your milk”, or “OMG you are letting your baby run your life. You can’t do anything because he/she is always on the boob.” Really? WTF do you care? Again just mind your own business!
Ahhhhhhhh! I feel much better getting that off my breastfeeding boobies now lol! At least now you know where I stand. And being pregnant again (expecting baby #2) I plan to breadfeeding once more but if for some reason that doesn’t happen, I will turn to formula and make that choice and be happy and confident with it.
Ok now go ahead let me have it for sharing my 2 cents, I have thick skin and can take it, so give me your best shot…just beware you may not like my replies 😉
I Love you, that is all!
Love you too Katie LOL
You go girl….!!! I breast and formula fed and happy with both my decisions. My family not so much, but who cares. I physically wasn’t capable of breast feeding my twins so I didn’t. I did with my first daughter and you know what …they are equally happy and nourished. Who gives a craps ass what people think. Too many ignorant people in this world. Nice post Pina!
Thanks Rosemary! Good for you for sticking to your decisions despite what others had to say…you did what YOU needed to do! 🙂
Wow PIna, I totally agree. A mother’s decision to breastfeed or formula feed should not be judged. It is the mother’s choice to decide what is best for her own family. And breastfeeding mothers are often made to feel uncomfortable about their choice and are made to second guess whether they have enough milk…really people need to keep their comments to themselves. What happened to the old saying if you don’t have anything nice to say don’t say it at all. Also people shouldn’t state their opinions unless they are educated opinions (for example, unless you are a lactation consultant or medical practitioner, I don’t think you have a right to tell someone to top up with formula). People need to be happy and confident with the choices they make. Being a parent is tough enough, we don’t need fellow moms bashing our decision and making us second guess ourselves. We should be supporting each other regardless of our personal choices.
Also, I don’t understand why people get their backs up when a baby is on the boob past one. Really the world health organization recommends exclusive breastfeeding for six months then continuing to breastfeed til the child is two. In many other cultures, it is normal for child to be breastfed til the age of four.
Lastly, we do not know why people make the decisions they do but I am sure they have a reason. Everyone has a cross to bear (some just may not be visible), so its best to just support one another and not judge.
P.s I love the comic attached to the blog
Well said Adelle!
Hi Pina,
I read your blog and the post on YM and I have both good and bad feelings about them. I had a really hard time with BF both my daughter’s….hours of pumping and trying every thing I could to get it going but all my efforts failed…I simply did not produce enough and fast enough for them so I did formula fed both and always had some guilty feelings about it….I don’t agree with anyone pushing their opinions about it because everyone’s experience is different…..The bottom line for me was do what works for you and your baby and admire all mother’s that do the best they can for their babies without anyone judging them for their choice whether it’s because they want to or because the efforts failed…like mine 🙁 Now this is not a pity reply but clearly my experience and I applaud all mother’s for their choice as long as they feel good about it and babies tummies are full and they are growing and prospering….Thanks for listening 🙂
Annalisa thank you for your comment and sharing your experience! At the end of the day we just need to do what’s right for us 🙂
For sure Pina!! I admire all mother’s whatever their choice is 🙂
As we all should 🙂
Amen! Sing it sister! So tired of hearing that my breast milk is only good if I eat a perfectly organic diet all the time…. ummmm- I call bull-s#it on that one. Or ‘you really shouldn’t breastfeed them once they can ask for it’….yeah, ok, that makes sense, i’ll NOT give my child nourishment because she can ask for it… aren’t we supposed to be teaching our children to communicate?
Formula is great if you choose it- and in some cases, its really the only option (adopted babies, mothers who don’t get milk, ect). But I think what pisses me off the most is when someone asks a question about breastfeeding and the first response it about how that mother should use formula b/c maybe their child isn’t getting enough food. Isn’t that just a terrible thing to say to a new, probably hormonal mother? You might be failing as a mother… that’s nice. The fact of the matter is, only a trained professional can tell you if you really aren’t producing enough milk. Sharing your experience is one thing, but forcing your opinion is another. I try to always approach things on the side of empathy for mothers… Telling them they maybe failing to nourish their child is not empathetic and actually dangerous as far as I am concerned.
Oh, and I love you too!
Your comment made me laugh and it’s all so true!
Finally! Thank you Pina, I think I really needed to hear this opinion right about now! Breastfeeding was not a walk in the park for me but I’m so friggen tired of being bullied by moms who couldn’t, wouldn’t or whatever…some babies are breastfed some are formula fed and it’s so true who gives a crap as long as they are healthy!!! I really wish us mommies could cut out the negativity towards each other and just be there to support one another with the choices we make. Your tone and opinion on this is quite refreshing, thanks again!
BF is not easy and a huge commitment…it totally doesn’t help to hear crap from other moms 🙁
I don’t agree with formula feeding moms being the victims. Yes I breastfeed my babies. I breastfeed my first exclusively and then I was blessed with twins, I breastfeed, pumped and gave formula. I think we all do the best we can for our children, we should be supporting each other and not bashing.
I agree we all do the best we can! And in a perfect world everyone would mind their own business and focus on themselves unfortunately it doesn’t look like that will happen and in turn neither will the supporting each other…pretty sad 🙁
Great blog Pina C. I knew this topic was coming. I agree that people make the decision that is best for their families and people should mind their business and stop judging. People also have to stop making excuses. Own up to your decision. I couldn’t care less whether people agree with me formula feeding or not. This was the best decision for my family and that’s all that matters to me. I never try to explain why or make excuses because I don’t think its anyones business and because I don’t care what people think. I never ask people whether they are formula or breastfeeding because I don’t care. It’s your decision what you do and I would never cast judgement unless I was personally attached for my decision. It would be great if people could just be supportive of one another.
Good for you Daniela! Making the decision to BF or FF isn’t an easy one and sticking by it and being confident is even harder especially with all the comments we hear and pressure from others! Kudos to you Mummy 🙂
Same vent can be made for moms who decided not to breastfeed
WOW Pina you did get into the meat and potatoes of things with this topic. First off I breastfed my daughter and also formula fed her because she only ate off of one breast and it dried out…but not that you care as you clearly stated in your blog. I read your blog over and over thinking maybe I was reading it wrong but NOPE…all the times I read it it stated that you don’t give a shit that someone formula fed, you don’t care that one couldn’t breastfeed or that they didn’t want to and why? Because it is NOT YOUR LIFE! But you created this “group” sorry you are RUNNING this group for mommies – for support right? Well those harsh words that you spoke do not make me feel like I am supported in this group that you are running. You have rules to be kind to one another and then you post “Formula feeding mothers stop playing victim cuz it’s really getting old – you made your choice be happy with it and end of story”?? Some mothers had NO CHOICE but to formula feed. Their incredible bodies did not make the milk that was needed for their little ones. Why should they not sob to themselves in a corner if someone is telling them to stop playing the victim and get over it? We all made our choices the moment we found out we were pregnant – organic or not, bf or ff, 3d ultrasound or not and whatever else we as mothers will encounter and yes you said it be happy and confident with the choices you made and will continue to make but a post like this was uncalled for – I am honestly hurt.
Hi Diana,
To clarify this blog entry has nothing to do with the group and is why I never posted it in the group. It has been posted here on my personal blog where I can share my thoughts and feelings and express what I am feeling. And me saying that I don’t give a shit is because what people choose to do in their lives is their business and not mine. It’s none of my business and never will be! That also goes for those who BF…what’s it to me? We all have our issues, beliefs, problems, etc and why or how we come about our decisions have nothing to do with others and has everything to do with ourselves, our children and our families.
I wrote this because frankly I am sick of being bashed for BF and sitting here quietly biting my tongue so I can play nice and not offend others or upset them. This was my way to express myself in my own personal space and let people know how I feel.
I have no issue with FF moms, like I mentioned I have friends and FAMILY who did it from day 1 for one reason or another (which is not any of my business or anyone’s for that matter) and I’ve always supported them.
I am sorry you are hurt but I’ve been hurt for way to long and I won’t stand for it anymore.
Diana,
I love the fact that Pina makes sure that all opinions are posted when she posts a blog, whether the post is agreeing or opposing her point of view. That is the sign of an extremely fair and respectful blogger. You are entitled to your own opinion and I can see why you were hurt, but try to see it from another perspective. She was not trying to hurt anyone by saying she doesn’t give a Sh!t, she trying to bring to light that we are all in this together, we all have our problems and we all parent in different ways which will generate opinions and unwanted advice from others. But in the end, none of us should give a rats ass what each other does b/c we are not affected by how other mothers decide to parent.
Thanks for sharing your opinion, I love to read everyones views b/c that is what makes us interesting as a society.
Great post pina. U r entitled to your opinion. This is your blog. I ff both my kids. I had breast reduction and wasn’t able to bf. I wished I could have bf but sometimes you can’t always get what you want. As long as you are happy and confident with your decision that’s all that matters!!
Thank you Daniela! And that’s exactly my point…we all do what we can and what works for us! That may mean BF for some and FF for others, either way it’s our business and we shouldn’t made to feel bad by ANYONE on the choice we made or the choice that was made for us 🙂
As a mom who chose to BF I find this blog insulting. Quite frankly I am not surprised by your choice of words. You represent a support group so even though you did not attach this blog to YOUR GROUP your name is still attached to it. But I get it totally Pina because you have been hurt for so long it is okay to turn around and hurt others.
I think you are missing the big picture here Amanda. You find it insulting because I say that as mothers we all need to do what is right for us and our children? That bottom line we just need to make sure they are healthy (doesn’t matter if that means FF or BF)? I knew that no matter what, people would be insulted and that’s something I could not avoid…well I could if I would have just kept my mouth shut and not said anything at all. So I’m sorry you feel the way you do but I also feel a certain way and am done with hearing stupid comments when people should learn to keep their mouths shut.
You are asking me why I find it insulting then you say you knew people would be insulted. Read between the lines Pina. As for these stupid comments, take the high road, who cares what people have to say. I heard it too! My sister FF and she constantly had people hound her about that. No matter what, people will always have something to say….if it bugs you as much as you say it does, TELL the person(s) directly (if you haven’t done so already)
Yes, I knew people would be upset by this blog, it is unavoidable but that’s not why I wrote it. I didn’t say to myself….hmmm what can I write to piss people off or hurt them…that’s not me. I wrote it to speak my mind and express my feelings on this issue and hopefully shed some light to those who maybe were looking at things from a different view. One of my sisters also FF both her children and she too had to hear crap from people. This is why I say that people need to mind their own business and who cares if someone FF or BF…it’s not their business! And for me to say I frankly don’t give a shit what people do which does not mean that I am heartless it’s me saying I don’t care because it’s not my business. Bottom line! Everyone does what is right for them. I BF, one sister FF and the other did a combination of the two…we all had our reasons and it shouldn’t matter to others.
No matter what you do people will open their mouths when they probably shouldn’t (doesn’t matter if you are a FF or BF mom). I just had enough and needed to let it out and a blog is a great tool for this. Please can choose to read or not read…it’s a place for people to express their thoughts and feelings like I have and like you are doing. I’m posting your comments and everyone’s comments no matter what they say.
“blog
/blôg/
Noun
A Web site on which an individual or group of users record opinions, information, etc. on a regular basis”.
Just saying…. this is an opinion piece. We are all entitled to our opinion. If you don`t like it, you arent forced to read it….
Thanks Michelle 🙂
And reader/follower is also titled to an opinion Just saying…..
Oh and it should say entitled not titled
Exactly Amanda! And this is why everyone’s comment is being published…the ones of those who agree with me and the ones of those who don’t 🙂
Right on the nose Pina! I completly agree with you. It’s a mothers choice to either breastfeed or formula feed. In the end who gives a hoof! Do what’s best or you and baby and that’s it! Wish people would just relax and realize every situation is different and that’s all. Good for you for getting it out there!!!
Thank you Joselle 🙂 Exactly it’s a personal choice and has nothing to do with others. What a better place this world would be if everyone focused on their own lives and took their nose out of other people’s business. Power to each mother out there who made her choice and is confident in it 🙂
OMG, FINALLY someone said what I have been thinking this entire time. I BF and FF my daughter. I preferred to strictly BF her, but unfortunately my milk supply dried up by month 4. But you know what? who cares? No one cares b/c it didn’t happen to them, it happened to me and there is nothing more to discuss about it. It is really unfortunate that I cannot post something in the Yummy Mummy group as an FYI to other mothers without getting crucified about it, especially when my intentions were good. When a baby item is re-called we share that with each other and no one gets their panties in a knot, even though there are mothers who do have the exact item. All that tells me is that other mothers are insecure with their decisions or overly sensitive and decided to take it out on me. I too have a thick skin and found the negative responses amusing. Well I took the high road by not responding b/c I am a confident mother just like Pina.
Thank you Pina for taking the risk of pissing off a lot of ppl by telling it like it is. Your honesty and direct approach is a breathe of fresh air and I welcome it always.
I agree Heather and I’m sorry you had to go through that. Sometimes I honest believe that people only see, hear and read what they want. Not sure that anyone caught onto the fact that you actually did both. Thank you for your post and having my back 🙂
I want to start by saying that in any blog, having both opinions or sides of the story is what makes this social network work. As much as I love the yummy mummy group, there have been more than a few times where I’ve wanted to tell the mummy who wrote a post to either “stick it” or “suck it up!”. Actually, I may have in a nice way, and just got away with it :s.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m amused by the occasional husband bash. Very entertained by the blunt “out-law” insult. And very saddened (mostly because I can relate) to those who are mourning a loss, or suffering from PPD, or even have no or little help or support from others and use the group as an outlet for moral support. However, there are posts that I read about a mother “devastated” over HAVING, for some reason, to get her daughter’s ears pierced and is either scared or afraid of the pain it will cause them. If its a choice you’ve made, suck it up and just do it! Or don’t do it and stop your whining! Who in the world invented this “mandatory” ritual of mutilating a tiny baby. What ever happened to having a choice in the matter. This is coming from a very heavily tattooed and pierced mother by the way. I just feel strongly about the matter, and refuse to do it just because everyone thinks IM WEIRD I have chosen for my daughter to ASK me to pierce her ears. Actually, she’ll have to beg! Oh God, I feel another blog discussion happening! However, there is ALWAYS a mummy who writes back with moral support for that “distressed” mummy, and my negative opinion at that time is really irrelevant. That’s why that Facebook group really works. Actually, it has helped so many, including me.
Putting Pina as the creator of the group aside, I am sure there are tons of other mummies that have opinions they are dying to express and there is nothing wrong with a very opinionated blog to do it. The great thing about social media networks, is if you don’t like it, you don’t have to read it. Actually, if you feel bullied or threatened, you can virtually delete yourself from the network all together! OR…Grow some balls and start your own blog!!! SUCK IT!!!